If He Only Knew
by the forgotten fate
Summary: Sirius loves James but he can't tell him. Remus if there. When Sirius's emotions override Remus gets hurt. better summery inside. RLSB don't read if you don't like slash. R and R!


**Disclaimer**: I don't own the characters. But Maddie and I do keep Sirius and Lupin locked in our closets!

Sirius can't tell James the real reason that he was thrown from his home. He'd be disgusted! Sirius coulden't tell James that he was in love with him. Remus is always there willing to give support, but when Sirius's mixed emotions override Remus gets hurt! Will be Remus/Sirius eventually and maybe a little Lily/James!

** 'If Only He Knew'**  
  
The raven-haired youth sat, sullen faced on the bed. In his right hand held a knife clutched tightly. Sirius Black swallowed heavily and stared ad his creamy white wrist.  
  
_KNOCK KNOCK  
_  
Sirius jumped and quickly flicked the pocketknife down and into his pocket.  
  
"Sirius?" a second later the face of James Potter appeared in the door. "Com'on Sirius suppers on"  
  
Sirius nodded dully and followed his friend down the stairs to where the rest of the family was all ready seated at the table.  
  
"Here you are Sirius dear, some nice lamb"  
  
"Here try this bread, it's just fresh baked"  
  
"Some milk for you?"  
  
Sirius nodded mutely as the Potter's piled loads of food on his plate. He didn't care that the pampered over him like a child.  
  
Apparently James did. "Get off him you lot! He's not a dolt!"  
  
The Potter's scowled at James as Sirius gave him a weak smile. Trust James to ruin the moment.  
  
"Just a week left and back to Hogwarts!' James said in satisfaction.  
  
Sirius grinned and nodded. "Last year"  
  
"And we'll make it the best!" added James, taking a huge bite of lamb.  
  
"Just don't blow up and more class rooms please" remarked James's older brother Kevin.  
  
James grinned, "it was only half a class room thank you and it was an accident. Wasn't it Sirius?"  
  
Sirius grinned through a mouth of vegetables and nodded. "Complete accident"  
  
James's father smiled at the two boys, "Maybe this year you could receive more OWL's then detentions"  
  
Sirius grinned and looked at his friend, "I don't know if we could get an OWL everyday of the year do you?"  
  
The Potter's laughed as James grinned sheepishly. After dinner the two piled their dishes in the sink, "thanks for doing the dishes Kev," James said as he ran by cuffing his brother lightly on the head."  
  
The two boys disappeared up the stairs to Kevin's shouts that he would NOT be doing the dishes and to get their snarking bottoms back down stairs.  
  
James grinned and slammed the door, "can't make us help if were busy now can he?"  
  
Sirius smiled, staring into James sapphire eyes he felt a burning sensation come over him. He swallowed hard and forced himself to look away.  
  
"Can't wait to be back at school"  
  
James nodded the Marauders had been separated since the beginning of the summer, where had Remus Lupin had gone to visit relatives in southern France and Peter had been sent to 'Lose Your Pounds with Mr. Marks' fat camp, by his mother.  
  
James and Sirius had tried to keep in touch through out the summer, but during the end of July Sirius's letters and visits had ceased. They hadn't seen each other until Sirius had appeared alone and cold on the Potter's door step three weeks back, nobody had asked questions as the took the Black boy into their home. They knew Sirius's relationship with his parents where on the rocks. Sirius was grateful for the lack of questions; he didn't want to tell anyone the reason he had been pushed out from his home. He knew that if he told them his reasons they would be just as disgusted as his own family, and that was the last thing he wanted.  
  
"Maybe Lily will go out with me this year" James mused as he leaned back on the bed.  
  
Sirius grinned despite the sudden pain in his heart "Severus Snape might take a bath" he retorted.  
  
James burst into laughter, Sirius grinned in satisfaction that he was able to make the boy laugh.  
  
James wiped tears from his emerald eyes, "Oh would Evan's tell me off for that remark" he said.  
  
"I said it not you" Sirius reminded him quietly,  
  
James nodded, "but she'd say I'm just as bad for laughing at it. Mind you, she's not as keen on defending him as she was in fifth year."  
  
Sirius nodded although he barely remembered the incident by the lake two years ago. Lily hadn't been so defensive to him since that day.  
  
James yawned, "lets get to bed Padfoot, I'm tired"  
  
Sirius nodded as he caught the 'Mr. Travel's Very Comfortable Queen-Size Bed Sleeping bag' James tossed him.  
  
They settled into bed with out a word. Soon Sirius could hear the gentle sound of James snores.  
  
Sirius stayed awake for a while longer, he traced a thin invisible line along his wrist, "Good night James"  
  
To be continued...  
  
AN: There you are my identical baka! A Lupin/Black fic for you! Aren't I just the best? You owe me one, oh yes you do! Finish my plot bunny or...holds up KunFu Bear I might have to take a hostage!  
  
Another note guys, I know I'm terrible for not updating and I am VERY sorry. Unfortunately it's that time again that Molly goes to 'boot' camp (but this time the pays WAY better). Anyways I won't have access to my beloved computer until September so please be patient. I'll start updating more often I promise! 


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